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Dating

Millennial's Guide To Dating After Divorce

Jasmine Diaz
Y

ou were young. You fell madly in love with your high school (or college) sweetheart, only to realize they were not "the one." Returning to the dating pool will treat your FOMO, especially if you realized you married the wrong person. Still, there are some things you should keep in mind before you jump headfirst into Tinder. The journey can be fun if you are willing to put a few things into perspective.

.01 Your NEXT Is Not Your Ex

People chose divorce for several reasons. Whatever those reasons may be, do not compare your ex-husband or wife to the new person you meet. Dating is hard without any additives. Once you tack on baggage from the last relationship, it becomes more challenging to navigate.

Your new boo has done nothing to you to deserve your criticism, ridicule, or mistrust. Don't let the trauma of your past dictate your amazing, new future. 

.02 Lean into Your Friends

Your friends can be the best defense system money can't buy. They know your history, have valuable insight, and can help you navigate through the tough terrain called dating.

Ask for help when you feel you're drowning and surround yourself with people who have your best intentions. Dating can be an emotional rollercoaster, but as long as you have a great cheer squad, you will survive.

.03 Manage Your Expectations

No matter how tempting, don't jump headfirst into your next relationship. Understand that dating is truly, a process.

You may not meet true love after the first date or even the thirtieth. Dating does not cure loneliness, in fact, it can make things worse. Keeping a perspective on why you're looking for a relationship will help you keep your expectations at bay. 

.04 Don't Give Yourself A Timeline

The minute you put an expiration date to your partner search is the moment you will realize: "This shit is never going to happen." Most singles jump into the dating game expecting to be married or in a LTR in "one year," "next fall," "by 2020," but dating does not have a shelf life. 

You will not expire if you don't meet and marry the man or woman of your dreams by next year. Plus, what happens if you don't meet that deadline? It will make you feel more lonely and depressed about dating, so why do it in the first place?!

There is a reason why "the game of love" is called a "game." You are either on the winning side or the losing, but you always have a choice. You can win the "game" by choosing the unexpected and view dating as the rollercoaster ride it is, or you can lose by putting too much pressure on yourself and the experience.

Take a beat and relax. Many divorcees have gone on to remarry. Don't rush the process. Milk it for all it's worth.